Shaming – …And the Truth Shall Set You Free.

Behind Ted Baran’s Skull

November 9, 2019 The Last HiccupLeave a comment

When your life disappears before the eyes of truth, would you able to define truth?

John Keats: “Beauty is truth, truth beauty but what is beauty, and what is truth?”

Theodore “Ted” Lonzo Baran, Chief for Department of Public Safety (DPS) at Gallaudet University.

Three years ago today on November 8th, death came before my life and floated dead for ten minutes, it might be the longest ten minutes even if life was motionless. Death by default seemed to me, as I experienced, brutally unfair. Death is fail-safe predictor; Truth is a fail-safe predictor;

The central idea was simple: Truth would reveal itself, as Ted would sink to the bottom of the toilet, and only the guilt would drown truth.

The oppression, hatred, and norms, have been floating around Baran’s wings, while values, higher learning, and motivated hate-solving bullying have taken center stage on the Gallaudet University campus. The corrupt abuse of power. Gallaudet University as a safe place? Baran would make lives harder.

For the last 25 years, I had been working hard to change my life around. I took a lot of detours, struggles, death threats, going through the toughest road ahead, proving myself to the highest standards, and yet, when I moved to Washington, D.C. to begin my graduate school on a full scholarship possibly best moment and Gallaudet University was supposed to heal;

As I remember that day when I came into DPS headquarters, I informed Ted Baran of my responsibility, the first words Ted said: “That’s you. I can kick you out of Gallaudet University if I want to.” abusing his power and that begun the hatred right there. I never see something like this.

Ted “forced” me to stand upfront of graduate classrooms, presentations, workshops, anywhere on the campus to explain why I was jailed every day or I face extreme punishment like expelled from Gallaudet University.

The corrupt abuse of power. I was shocked by his threats. I refused to be profiled. That would lead to death threats, bullying, suicide and it is not healthy at all. Gallaudet University was supposed to be a place of healing. No one wanted to hear my stories. Baran got away. Is there a legal step for abusing power? Who would be the criminal in this picture?

Envision the scene: Baran has been strolling around the campus with abuse of power.

When I woke up from death, I had been targeted off the charges, hoping I’d taste my own execution by toxic culture. Facing the legal punishment of death is the most invisible reason, to inquire about the abuse of power by Baran.

I remember when I was on the stretcher recovering from a massive heart attack on the world’s most sacred ground of the Deaf, Several of Deaf people were cheering along with hands waving, while I put my thumbs up signaling that I’m all right and strong. Ted Baran was walking by and gave me a nasty look. I really remember that face that day. Whisking by. Like he was chuckling in his own head. Oh yeah, the weakness of a CODA who has a hatred for Deaf life. Not true CODA.

I wish I’d do something quickly to react by giving Ted my middle finger. I’d do it in a heartbeat. Everything went fast. Again, I’d give Ted Baran, “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!” and I never have gotten the chance to do that, I blew that. Why didn’t I do that?

After I got out of the hospital, two days later, decide to visit Gallaudet University and showed up at DPS office to thank someone else there for dedication with open-minded, bumped into Ted with close-minded, being the better person, and I see that the hatred still floating in his body, mind, and soul. I was glad it was not Ted who attempting to save my life because he would not do his job and let my breath run out on his own watch. Like getting away with murder.

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Last March 2019, there was a play about Deaf people in Hitler’s Europe held at George Washington University (GWU), where the story was about targeting Deaf Jewish people, shaming them in the name of hate, scarlet letter on their foreheads, and living with the labels. Lifetime scars. Emotional well-being. Mental. Psychical. Just like “JEWISH” on their passports, dealing with the hate spectrum.

Ted Baran and I bumped into each other there, before the play begins, it is clear that play story had been inspiring Ted’s egoism, his abuse of power, and hatred. He loved the story idea about the abuse of power, killing their souls; He supported the hate machine. He was a perfect example.

Convo event: He showed up in DPS white uniform on Saturday evening;

Convo attire: Look good and be YOU.

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I was there wearing an enamel pin: REJECT HATE. That was the symbol of truth. Coming back from death that day, it makes me stronger than ever and will continue to show the truth. It was to break the evil spell. At that moment, I felt free but also exhausted and completely alive all at the same time.

That day, November 8, 2016: I asked an important question in front of the audience in SAC 1011 before my last breath, after I woke up from death, I realized that Gallaudet University was aiding and abetting Baran’s hatred. Same cloth. Same oath.

Remember Convo dress attire? BE YOU.

Baran wearing white uniform making a statement that he is above the abuse of power, white privileges, hearing privileges, and commander-in-hater, he does not need to dress up like this. Be YOU. Be casual.

Behind the badge, and that was what makes Ted’s skull are met with.

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-JT

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The Impact of Public Shaming in Deaf Community

July 29, 2019 The Last HiccupLeave a comment

Internet shaming is the greatest pain in human struggle. The population in Deaf community is the world’s smallest minority group. When Deaf shares a mug shot of Deaf in a digital age, defining whom the person, and shaming in the most possible character assassination. Just mention name to those who have known and read with no doubt stirring a flurry of controversy. It is exhausting and drains emotionally. The Impact of Public Shaming in a Digital World available on Internet to read with a good example below:

“Using public shaming to shift our beliefs rather than having constructive conversations has become the new normal. Are we now blurring the lines between activism and [cyber] bullying or humiliation?”

Are we just scratching the surface? It will take more than pain to keep us safe. Public shaming must be addressed the dangerous concentration of cyber bullying that allows cruel punishment and hate to operate in Deaf community. At the lowest, earliest, and most painful stage, public shaming of Deaf in literature as such begins with the hate.

The practice of public shaming in Deaf community is not something new. More public, more widespread, more dangerous, more harm, more hurt, and there is a book by Jon Ronson who is the author of So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, highly recommended to read:

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Under warped system of public shaming, who have the power to change it? This kind of power prevents critically community accountability for all the ways public shaming hurts Deaf community, destroying democracy, address the crises facing possible for the critical awareness about public shaming, and it might be critical than ever that the needs of Deaf community must be addressed to stand up against internet shaming in the name of hate, in a well-defined solution, will it ever happen?

Living into the past, say 35 years ago is not going to solve anything. It creates more hate to make public shaming, a toxic in the making. Internet shaming is part of psychology’s traits; something to think about it.

-JT

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Wounded by Labeling

July 26, 2019July 26, 2019 The Last Hiccup3 Comments

Lecture: Deaf Returning Citizens as Forgotten People. October 2015. CSUN Social Justice Conference.

July 26, 2019:

Dealing with old wounds again. Cycles kept circling around and defining who I am. Pushing me to the brink of human collapse.

Labeling on my forehead–that is very evident in my case, and dealing with that every day, unleashing so much insanity and throwing at me, the hostile dementia, and I had been spending the last 35 years of my life trying to extricate myself from negative drama that was full of deception and been tired of the pain and humiliation anymore. Never mind that I had been raped at age of ten years old with a wood stick up my ass, bleeding, and causing a life-time scar–emotionally. No one wanted to hear my story. Quick enough to jump and judge right away without asking my story.

I was 12 years old when I forced to commit a crime. Now I am 44 years old. The last 35 years of my life has been painful. People do not really know the whole story. It’s amazing how much hate had been infected so fast on social media. I am truly sorry what I had done and there is nothing I can change the past. The system had failed my life. I asked for help at age of 12, and it never happened.

I am not a perfect human being and it is just another in a long line of colossal mistakes. For one thing that I know that I am a good heart and sensitive guy. I care too much. I had been going through a fallow period when I must let the soil rest to prepare for a new growth.

Typical words coming from the paranoid, reactionary, delusional, and fear-mongering crowd that worships hateful labels. If you want to keep your freedom then arm yourself with facts and reject the fear-based, “safety-at-any price” thinking.

I do not need the most hateful label where, like today, results in discrimination, stigmatization, shaming, unemployment, under-employment, homelessness, and general social exile are the norms that must be reversed. Would it be better of killing or murdering me and dispose of my body for its own pleasure? Can in this society, believe in facts before myth, science before faith, and reason before assumption?

I refuse to live down what I am being defined by my character. People had been spreading nasty images about me, powerful biased language was to utilize and draw disgust and fury to the readers. My own face is forever tarnished around Deaf community. It is known as character assassination.

The social media to a point has emotionalized it where people are pushing for destruction of my own life. It is true that it would be better off to end my life instead of living and struggling in the society where hate is spreading my name like a soulless monster. Instead of the usual political careerism that is being built on the society’s collective and cultural of fear.

Can we have at least sensible and detailed reporting where it is not based on a low fruit, emotionalize piece but on the many sides of this issue? There are millions and millions of dollars of waste fraud and abuse in the criminal justice system. I’ve spent $80,000 in four years alone starting at age of 21. All when I was just 12 years old with no guidance, naive, and all that.

Suicide is a big problem in Deaf community.

https://audismnegatsurdi.com/2017/04/03/suicide-is-a-big-problem-in-deaf-community/

Mistakes were: the interpreter whom was a CODA where I never met in my life at age of 19 and a senior in high school before going into the interviewing room with detective telling me to get a lawyer and knew that I was 12 years old to protect my life, and I failed. I ignored my own stupidity. I was not educated enough about it. I thought I would get plenty of help and be honest. It was one of biggest mistakes in my life. It ultimately cost my life for good. I destroyed my own life.

Yet, at 44, after paid my debt to society a million times over, I deal with Internet shaming, and do I deserve a second chance? Most likely, no, and telling me to kill myself or disappear off the face of the Earth would solve everything, is it better off? Deaf community thinks so. I completely understand. Because it is not completely self-healing society yet, refuse to repair the problems, turning bad into good, and reintegrate returnees back into society.

If people break the law then they deserve to be held accountable. Otherwise, freedom and liberty should be the shining societal goals. But, I do not think it would ever happen in Deaf community because they prefer Internet shaming, lynching, and sending me death threats I receive all the time. How can the society provide any degree of safety? Shaming and humiliation is best, while rehabilitation and reintegration is not.

As I wrote an article in DEAF LIFE December 2018 Issue: Deaf Returnees: What do they return to?

“The true stories of Deaf returnees have been too often hidden from the American people. They have been shamed and ignored for political reasons. Did the perpetrators encourage bullying tactics that tear Deaf returnees down?

We must take bold action to defend human rights and the core values of democracy in supporting Deaf returnees. We are tired of being attacked, seeing the truth distorted, the media playing mind games, targeting Deaf returnees as scapegoats.

Terms such as ex-convict, felon, offender, and criminal are negative. The terms returning citizen and returnee are positive.

Media images of Deaf returnees are all too often negative, grotesque, suggesting that they can’t survive in society, can’t turn their lives around, are incapable of giving back to the Deaf community. They are seen as unintelligent, sick, lazy, and not to be trusted. How could they succeed if they actually had to earn merit to advance in society? Why bother giving them second chances?”

-JT

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Calling Out Sean Markel and Greg Hlibok

July 24, 2019 The Last HiccupLeave a comment

Allegory of Deaf Returnees: The Opposite of Hate

June 23, 2018 The Last Hiccup1 Comment

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After watching ACLU video about the treatment of imprisoned Deaf and Deaf returnees in Georgia, I understood the pain myself. We must understand that the law requires humane treatment of Deaf prisoners. When I was jailed almost 25 years ago, I was placed what was called pod known as C-2. It housed around 50, 60 inmates. Only 15 beds were offered, so the majority of inmates slept on the floor. I was 21 years old that time. Now I am 43 years old.

The first 15 minutes of living in jail system, I got in huge fight with three big inmates who were calling me names and placing death threats, and broke my hand. I was given aspirin for it. Nothing else. I had to be forced and learned how to toughen it up.

I remember I asked for ASL interpreter, written down on note, and it was rightfully violated—as I remember one of the jail staff, knew that I was Deaf, and became the target of harassing through shame and shaming even attempts at shaming more. It was nothing but a shame revival as a force.

Once I was thrown into a solitary confinement known as “hole” for 72 hours just for protecting a Deaf inmate. I stood strong while I was in there. How did it happen? Inmates from C-2 were given one hour to play table pool, and this Deaf inmate was standing on red line where people were not supposed to stand there.

He could not understand what jail staff were talking to him and forced him to lip-read, then I walked up to him and explained to him in ASL, then one of the jail staff, happened to be the same officer who were targeting me, roughed me up against the wall to mind my own business. Other inmates did not like that what they saw and they were on my side. Then I was thrown into hole.

Then later, I became very sick for nine days and asked to see nurse also I also asked for ASL interpreter, of course, denied as usual. The nurse gave me aspirin and water. My temp was 104 degrees. The treatment of Deaf prisoners exists.

While I was very sick, I had to survive myself. All I had to drink Kool-Aid and could not able to eat much for the last nine days, even though there were few inmates who came up to me and gave up their Kool-Aid out of respect and they knew that I was damn sick as fuck.

Finally, I felt better after nine long brutal days, then about few weeks before my release, I fought for my rights to get captions on TV, it took me many months to fight and won. That morning, there were two men from jail staff came in and installed captions there, I was standing there smiling and other inmates looked at me, “Right on!” and later, I was chosen to be a trustee in C-2 cleaning, serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and messenger for inmates before my release.

I had very difficult time getting access to TTY—only that I must wait until after 5 PM, but my lawyer’s office closes at 5 PM. They said to me, “Fuck off” and deal with it. When I use TTY, a jail staffer would stand next to me and read what I type. Seriously. Word for word.

Then the hardest part: the brutal treatment of Deaf returnee in society. Eight years on probation, like I wrote in other post, around 97% of time, I was denied for ASL interpreter, only if it is emergency meetings, or polygraph tests.

I was forced to write down on notes, and lip-read—if I do not comply or cooperate with probation officials, I was warned with eight years in prison is on thin ice for me if I do not comply. Writing about my experience became at stroke of a pen that we all know that pen is mightier than sword.

As a Deaf returnee in the making, I had been the biggest target of an online bullying campaign that they wanted to derail me badly, crashing my livelihood, and mental stability by the personal attacks. Shame is not healthy, it is a targeted emotion, which makes Deaf returnees challenging. Is the society on the full scale of anger? Encouraging culture of fear would solve solution? We need to understand the core of shaming.

Right before deadly heart attack at Gallaudet University on November 8, 2016: the most important question in the history of Gallaudet, I asked in the front audience will be always forever remembered. Room 1011. The question, “Why did Gallaudet University encourage fear targeting Deaf returnees?” then I was dead for ten minutes. They do not want the public to know the truth. I am a living testimony of personal shame and humiliation. Will the living of testimony of support happen? The history of Gallaudet is famous for bullying, shaming, and ostracized.

Flash. Flash. Flash. Then I came back to life. I challenge scholars themselves to be educated about how to define shaming itself, and particularly about whether to emphasize my experience of shame in my own journey. The treatment of Deaf returnees exists. Bashing does not work. Love is what is most important right now. Hate is not.

Yes, Gallaudet University will be always a hate-crime, hate-speech, and hate-literature campus. How can we improve the treatment of Deaf returnees at Gallaudet University? Department of ASL/Deaf Studies comes in many forms, and it is surprising how much of shaming practices from the department bringing an army of trolls causing real psychological damage. Where is the opening examination of shaming?

-JT

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Dwight Benedict: Stop the Practice of Discrimination, Shaming, and Cruel Punishment

March 19, 2018 The Last HiccupLeave a comment

Life on The Wrong Side For the Drought of Deaf Community

September 11, 2015February 12, 2017 The Last Hiccup1 Comment

Deaf Butterflies Falling Into Skulls—Forgotten People done by David Call.

What a special day! Woooooooooo!! It is September 11th! Yes, that’s right! “You must be crazy for thinking like that!” No, I am not talking about 9/11 in NYC–I am talking about 9/11 in 1880. Yes, Deaf people DO make good neighbors because they are ordinary people like you and me who suffered through Oralism have learned their struggles and the Milan Resolution of 1880 facts say much more than just that. Do not be manipulated by the fear hucksters as Milan Resolution says so. Get the facts for yourself.

I do not care about whether you have sympathy or not. What matters the most here is that hearing people who commits Audism be held accountable and after they have been successfully held accountable in society, do they have the right to be integrated back into society? That means these people need sensitive training, disable ignorance, and other societal needs met. They need an “I AM AUDIST” label where, like today, results in discrimination, stigmatization, shaming, un-employment, under-employment, homelessness, and general social exile are the norms that must be reversed against Deaf citizens today.

People are so reactionary on this stuff, the penalties are now almost as bad as “wiping them out”—yes, Audism is a terrible disease, but they are not the same as taking someone’s life. See my point? The Milan Resolution is a total mess as well. Audists who are caught and they do not land on Audism list—and all the Audists in the world are all lumped onto one list for lifetime humiliation.

Hearing people already known to Deaf person commit the vast majority of oppression against Deaf people. The continual focus on the Deaf-danger myth—thanks to Karl White, the potential threat to Deaf community. Oh, not just Karl White, but Theresa Bulger, Dimitry Dornan, and yes, the founder of Tucker Maxon Oral School, Paul Boley, my first school and many other Audists out there.

For the majority of Deaf community who suffered under the spell of Milan Resolution who have paid their debt to society should be reintegrated back into our communities WITHOUT the targeting that continually wounds them with shaming, stigmatization, unemployment, homelessness, and general social exile. As a liberal society, I believe in facts before myth, science before faith, and reason before assumption, and justice for all Deaf citizens—-not a justice for a few.

Milan Resolution used myth, faith, and assumption that Deaf people are dumb because they cannot hear sounds. The Milan Resolution who make a deal that Deaf people all MUST learn oralism on September 11th, 1880—is nothing more than the thousands of other propaganda mill rumors that promote fear as a mean to profit. Interested readers who desire to learn about Milan Resolution should investigate the following facts: Religion plays a major factor.

We need to repeal the Milan Resolution 1880 off the history books because it is the greatest legislative fraud that is based on false assumptions: The Oralism Success stories. We must as a humane society protect Deaf signing community from undue harsh response by Alexander Graham Bell Association of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing and its ignorant rabble. Enlightened Audiologists, Speech therapists, and such support alternatives to imprison them or else.

Taxpayer funded cochlear implant companies would give them a glory story by getting Deaf children to become hearing and receive a good life and free Audists for more oppression who are more dangerous to society than anybody.

Time to show compassion for the most put-upon hated minority in American society, the Deaf people. Allow them the respect you would show you win them and welcome them back into the society with open arms! Today is the saddest day in Deaf history, September 11th, 1880 where the Milan Resolution conference changed Deaf people’s lives forever!

-JT

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