Behind Ted Baran’s Skull

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When your life disappears before the eyes of truth, would you able to define truth?

John Keats: “Beauty is truth, truth beauty but what is beauty, and what is truth?”

Theodore “Ted” Lonzo Baran, Chief for Department of Public Safety (DPS) at Gallaudet University.

Three years ago today on November 8th, death came before my life and floated dead for ten minutes, it might be the longest ten minutes even if life was motionless. Death by default seemed to me, as I experienced, brutally unfair. Death is fail-safe predictor; Truth is a fail-safe predictor;

The central idea was simple: Truth would reveal itself, as Ted would sink to the bottom of the toilet, and only the guilt would drown truth.

The oppression, hatred, and norms, have been floating around Baran’s wings, while values, higher learning, and motivated hate-solving bullying have taken center stage on the Gallaudet University campus. The corrupt abuse of power. Gallaudet University as a safe place? Baran would make lives harder.

For the last 25 years, I had been working hard to change my life around. I took a lot of detours, struggles, death threats, going through the toughest road ahead, proving myself to the highest standards, and yet, when I moved to Washington, D.C. to begin my graduate school on a full scholarship possibly best moment and Gallaudet University was supposed to heal;

As I remember that day when I came into DPS headquarters, I informed Ted Baran of my responsibility, the first words Ted said: “That’s you. I can kick you out of Gallaudet University if I want to.” abusing his power and that begun the hatred right there. I never see something like this.

Ted “forced” me to stand upfront of graduate classrooms, presentations, workshops, anywhere on the campus to explain why I was jailed every day or I face extreme punishment like expelled from Gallaudet University.

The corrupt abuse of power. I was shocked by his threats. I refused to be profiled. That would lead to death threats, bullying, suicide and it is not healthy at all. Gallaudet University was supposed to be a place of healing. No one wanted to hear my stories. Baran got away. Is there a legal step for abusing power? Who would be the criminal in this picture?

Envision the scene: Baran has been strolling around the campus with abuse of power.

When I woke up from death, I had been targeted off the charges, hoping I’d taste my own execution by toxic culture. Facing the legal punishment of death is the most invisible reason, to inquire about the abuse of power by Baran.

I remember when I was on the stretcher recovering from a massive heart attack on the world’s most sacred ground of the Deaf, Several of Deaf people were cheering along with hands waving, while I put my thumbs up signaling that I’m all right and strong. Ted Baran was walking by and gave me a nasty look. I really remember that face that day. Whisking by. Like he was chuckling in his own head. Oh yeah, the weakness of a CODA who has a hatred for Deaf life. Not true CODA.

I wish I’d do something quickly to react by giving Ted my middle finger. I’d do it in a heartbeat. Everything went fast. Again, I’d give Ted Baran, “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!” and I never have gotten the chance to do that, I blew that. Why didn’t I do that?

After I got out of the hospital, two days later, decide to visit Gallaudet University and showed up at DPS office to thank someone else there for dedication with open-minded, bumped into Ted with close-minded, being the better person, and I see that the hatred still floating in his body, mind, and soul. I was glad it was not Ted who attempting to save my life because he would not do his job and let my breath run out on his own watch. Like getting away with murder.

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Last March 2019, there was a play about Deaf people in Hitler’s Europe held at George Washington University (GWU), where the story was about targeting Deaf Jewish people, shaming them in the name of hate, scarlet letter on their foreheads, and living with the labels. Lifetime scars. Emotional well-being. Mental. Psychical. Just like “JEWISH” on their passports, dealing with the hate spectrum.

Ted Baran and I bumped into each other there, before the play begins, it is clear that play story had been inspiring Ted’s egoism, his abuse of power, and hatred. He loved the story idea about the abuse of power, killing their souls; He supported the hate machine. He was a perfect example.

Convo event: He showed up in DPS white uniform on Saturday evening;

Convo attire: Look good and be YOU.

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I was there wearing an enamel pin: REJECT HATE. That was the symbol of truth. Coming back from death that day, it makes me stronger than ever and will continue to show the truth. It was to break the evil spell. At that moment, I felt free but also exhausted and completely alive all at the same time.

Unknown-2.jpegThat day, November 8, 2016: I asked an important question in front of the audience in SAC 1011 before my last breath, after I woke up from death, I realized that Gallaudet University was aiding and abetting Baran’s hatred. Same cloth. Same oath.

Remember Convo dress attire? BE YOU.

Baran wearing white uniform making a statement that he is above the abuse of power, white privileges, hearing privileges, and commander-in-hater, he does not need to dress up like this. Be YOU. Be casual.

Behind the badge, and that was what makes Ted’s skull are met with.

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-JT

Copyright © 2019 Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.

 

 

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NAD: Whitewashing Race & Citizenship

NAD (National Association of the Deaf) who claims to serve the Deaf community in full information, whitewashing historical statements in the name of bigotry when we look at our lives, in the past and present, if we are honest of our time, the effort by NAD is concerned.

Handwritten Letters From Jail Uncensored

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When I received a package from my mother and it had contained many letters from 23 years ago writing to my mother while I was incarcerated, the letters proved the greatest driven in my mission to break the impossible. The fact my state of being Deaf returnee had made me the strongest asset to my survival and defy the odds.

While I was reading those letters last night, flashbacks were meant to teach me how to learn how to walk through the harshest punishments, defining my life who I am, and learned how to manage to crack the code of bullying. Finally, if there is not the triumph of hope, what will it be like?

I should explain that sometimes I find myself seeing life without its reasons. It is kind of experience, one where the compassion melt away, and it is most often when we are in denials. Ever since I was incarcerated, there was a part of me that has been searching for the story-telling purpose behind it all with the goal to become repentant and rehabilitated. I became the first family member to graduate from university.

I helped passed the hate crime law to protect Deaf community in state of Oregon. It was one of my greatest gift ever. 

I worked very hard to defy the odds when people said I would have no chance at all instead of sending me threatening e-mails, in person, and you name it all.

Whenever I was writing letters, I look beyond the walls of hope. I did not give up. It was not something you would see everyday. Because of the letters I wrote, I’ve overcome each obstacle–including the critical goals I set and show what I can do when I come together from walk of life, challenging the differences, and that makes me far stronger than what I was instructed by the very society to divide my life. Not in this life this time.

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I do not believe in the pursuit of individuality where I suffer life long imprisonment for the rest of my life. I share my own experiences, some of the most painful experiences I’d ever endured. To make matters worse I had dealt with naysayers who turn my suffering into financial gain. I refuse to let people define who I am. No one.

After all, the handwritten letters to write is not the one that thinks for me, but the life which makes me think. In some of the letters to my mother that I will share few details that proved a serious change in my life:

Dated: February 25, 1996:

“Like I said, I’ll probably will have long hair by that time!”

Dated: Friday, March 29, 1996:

“There are so many things I would like to do on the day when I get out.”

Dated: May 18, 1996:

“I just wrote 10 goals when I release, these 10 goals are important to do.”

I could go on more, but let’s stop right there.

I miss my hair.

-JT

Copyright © 2019 Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.