It has been really difficult day for me because a year ago today, I was clinically dead for ten minutes on the campus of the world’s famous university for Deaf people, Gallaudet University. In the same room where Dwight Benedict was in, he was walking down the aisle with a smirk because he had the hatred towards me—it was really difficult for me to think that way. How can I forget that? It is impossible to forget something like this.
My story must be seen, written, and examined. I grow tired and sick of people telling me to live in PAST. People do not know my life stories what exactly happened. It has been always HEARSAY. People choose to ignore my stories. Especially when a lot of people do not know the facts cannot comprehend what they were listening or do not care what the facts are and make up their own stories.
Do you think it was professional of Dwight to smirk when someone else is dead? Many of faculty members witnessed in that room what Dwight did and would vouch for me whenever I need support. He is still walking around campus with power and the same smirk he carries.
When you see the statue of Laurent Clerc on Gallaudet campus, this is one of the most iconic symbols of America—a beacon of hope and acceptance for Deaf people everywhere. So how did coming to Gallaudet University become a crime? Deaf returning citizens are bad news! Make them suffer! Give them the death stare!
If we look at the history of Dwight Benedict’s bullying tactics for the last 37 years, being “Deaf returning citizen” usually just means being “unwanted” and more often than not, that has to do with ignorance and hatred. There are plenty of widespread insecurities at Gallaudet University. As an intellectual community, we the Deaf now seem to exist in permanent fear of the oblivion in the top university leadership, worrying about whether we can survive Dwight’s leadership.
At the same time, at Gallaudet University, we the Deaf appear uncomfortable with the hatred of Dwight’s leadership. The same leadership, so often the means to our advancement, now finds itself under a cloud of power that it falls under a wrong agenda. Disenchanted with Dwight’s past history yet fearful of our future, why are Deaf people—especially people of color and marginalized group struck in Dwight’s leadership where a mood of fear, hatred and low expectations influence our discussion and discourses on many fronts—where our higher education continues to be seen as the problem rather than the challenge.
I worked extremely hard to change my life around and I made an ultimate goal to be a professor. I even made name tags as a personal identification when I arrived in DC and put it around my neck to remind myself. I was so determined more than anything.
This irrational insight against the grain of oppressed Deaf people on the campus, which teaches that hatred and bullying by Dwight does not lack human compassion. Deaf people in their struggle for social justice—are ignored because Dwight gets away with it. There have been many stories from Kendall Green about Dwight’s 37 years of oppressive leadership. A great many of damages were done, and many Deaf people were hurt.
My constitutional rights has been violated of due process and amounts to Cruel and Unusual Punishment, Eighth Amendment under United States Constitution and Dwight made it very difficult for me to receive higher education and set me up for harassment, public humiliation and bullying long after I served my time.
In February 27, 2014 meeting I was in, the most oppressive meeting ever I experienced in my entire life, he loved the idea very much where his buddy, Ted Baran, Director for DPS whom Dwight calls Ted in the meeting, “Ted is a good man” front of four other people brought up that I must be required to notify my graduate cohort, and walk around the entire Gallaudet campus and must tell everyone why I was jailed for with ugly labeling on my forehead. I was shocked. I already experienced humiliation and harassment at times when I would be at Gallaudet. No doubt, Dwight Benedict opened my old wounds. Dwight and Ted acted as Judge, Jury, and Executioner. The bald faced truth is that they should held accountable.
Even though it has happened 30 years ago, still, I am set up for extreme public shaming and harassment. I had been a good returning citizen more than 20 years and paid no more than $100,000 in counseling and worked very hard to change my life around and graduated with three degrees all with honors even though I had been experiencing thousands and thousands of times being humiliated in my life. I’ve dealt with hearing counselors who do not understand my journey as Deaf person. I realized it was total lie and waste of money and time. Until I found Deaf-centered counseling, I cried and….
Did I deserve “scarlet letter” for the rest of my life? Am I allowed to become a productive member of society? I am really sick of people telling me to live in the past and live with the stigma. Horrible lies about me, making me look really bad and I lost almost everything. It’s really hard for me. I cry. I cry. I cry. I suffer more. I suffer more. I suffer more.
Dr. Pernessa Steele, author of “Stand Up to Stigma: How We Reject Fear and Shame” writes: “Stigma” is a simple two-syllable word, yet it carries the weight of negative and often unfair beliefs that we hold about those who are different from us. Stigmas lock people into stereotyped boxes and deny us all the right to be our authentic and whole selves.
I already had been ostracized from Gallaudet community. Dwight made sure to do more harm than good, with my commitment to turn my life around. I lost my scholarship, I lost my dream job, I lost networking opportunities, I lost pretty much everything and I became the scapegoat on the campus. That is exactly the cruel and unusual punishment. That was the sign of death.
When I woke up on the floor that day, I cried. I still remember being carried out of the room on the emergency stretcher and saw people hand waving at me and I put both of my thumbs letting them know that I’m still strong. Then I was rushed into emergency surgery and carried to an intensive care unit (ICU). The television on right side was turned on—and the presidential election results were still pending.
The worst part was….I was still in extreme shock wondering how I survived from massive heart attack. The election results—did not finalize until 3 AM and became even more heart-broken that Trump was elected. The rises of hate crimes begun. Then I finally fell asleep for only three hours until the nurses woke me up and said, “Time for injections”—my first reaction when I woke up hoping it was only a dream. Only I find it was not a dream. I stayed in the hospital for ten long days. Longest stay in my life.
Do you all remember how you felt when you woke up on November 9th of 2016 morning?
Many people who walked around from Gallaudet University have caught up and suffered in the idea that Dwight thinks he is always right, and that the way Dwight acts is best. But he was wrong in Gallaudet University. What happened with the due process? Why I was not informed with required due process?
Due process means that Gallaudet University cannot give me a serious punishment, like suspension or expulsion, without first having followed fair procedures to determine if I am “bad news”. Fair procedure would include: telling me exactly what I was “bad news”, telling me exactly what the punishment will be, and giving me a chance to tell my side of the story before punishing me. If Gallaudet chooses to punish me, it must punish all others the same. I was never given a chance to do due process. I felt numb.
When I woke up from death, some people who are loyal to Dwight, told me to shut up and stay in silence. Right now Dwight is walking around freely with a smirk and will not apologize for his actions what he had done. It was the most incompetent decision Gallaudet University chooses to keep Dwight in his office. I was targeted by Dwight’s openly discriminatory policies and the discriminatory policies will be always remembered for abuse of power and corruption on the wrong side of professionalism.
For the last 365 days since my death, I wonder if I actually die, the truth would not be seen.
On November 8, 2016, in SAC 1011, the event, “Deaf in Prison Screening & Discussion” sponsored by Gallaudet ASL & Deaf Studies, the very same department I was part of which was very ironic, and the reason they sponsored this because Dirksen Bauman wanted to do this to cover his ass. Complete bullshit. I asked a question for the audience that will be always remembered for long time, “Why Gallaudet University promote FEAR targeting Deaf returning citizens?” and Dwight was in the same room standing in the back giving me a death stare and that was where I had massive heart attack. Dwight was walking down the aisle—slowly and a smirk. Cool, huh?
My death experience has made me stronger than ever. I recently learned that there has been some “talk” around Gallaudet campus that Dwight might retire early—well, there is no way he would walk away with it. My death does not give him full satisfaction and sit in the sun with a smirk. Will Dwight ever experience death for ten minutes and wake up and realize that he is asshole? It was all about personal attack against me as a motivation to new heights of fervor. Master Yoda said: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
Copyright © 2017 Jason Tozier
This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.
…………………………………….So, I got harassed during Homecoming 2017 Saturday afternoon. I am getting tired of this. I was trying to have good time for a change. The person who approached towards me in a threatening mode signed to me, “YOU ARE SICK! SICK! SICK! CRAZY! SICK!” in the PUBLIC EYE. That is a hate speech as well, too. You know who you are. I did not appreciate being humiliated. The public perception is that in Deaf community is getting sick of that same person who continues to cyber-stalk my own friends because we all believe in support system.
It has been like this for long time. It is now pathological. I also acknowledge that person needs help to get rid of a spiraling depression or exacerbate the behavior the person was already exhibiting.
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. The injustice of the situation is both palpable and maddening. There is a broken mental health service system and what we deal with in Deaf community is sad but not unsurprising result.
In the wake of this person’s harassment driven by hatred as well as hyper-vigilance, the detours and rumors will always chase after me. Does not matter anymore. And whether intended or not, the message sent by the person is that the value our culture places a human life depends upon community accountability as well as in Deaf community.
Can we examine this question, can this person understand the dangers of creating and maintaining an oppression environment of harassment? Can the person be expected to conduct itself in a form that accept the community accountability for causing harassment? Can this person understand the part as a community expectations not to violate someone else? Anger is not cool. The image above says it all. Anger becomes hatred. It is becoming immature. What kind of benefits would you get that out of it?
Finally, how can we foster an environment that harassment is being promoted in this society?
More to come.
Copyright © 2017 Jason Tozier
This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.
Text conversation between me and my dad
My name is Jason JT Tozier; I have been a returned citizen for more than two decades. I committed to myself that I would change my life around. In a breathtaking feat of rehabilitation, I graduated with three university degrees all with honors. My family has been very supportive of me and told me that they are very proud of my accomplishments what I had done the last ten years. My relationship with my family may not easy and we are all in together. We love each other and they understood my mistakes. They make mistakes, too. We get in touch every week. In fact, I talked with my mother and father yesterday. The other day, my brother was doing well!
I was convicted in 1996 at age of 21 years old; it does not mean I committed a crime at 21. Please do not be confused. It all began when I was 12 years old. I may not be perfect; One day, I will tell a story about it. It is my story. No one KNOWS the truth–only me and my family. However, I would like to write about Gary McNicholas, a true blood stalker in heart. He has been stalking, harassing, and profiling me for really long time. What kind of immaturity is that? I had informed my family about Gary what he did to me yesterday and they were not very happy. We are trying to figure it out with next step about him.
I need to tell you what Gary had really done to me for the last 25 years. First of all, we were not friends in 1983; we were neighbors, 4 miles apart from where my family lives. I knew him around 1990 through mutual friends. We were not friends for much longer where I decided to end in 1996 after realizing who Gary is.
He would show up at my family’s property unannounced and would invade and stalk my family. You have no idea. When he asked my permission if he can make a phone call through TTY for few minutes, I said, sure, go ahead—my father was not home that time then 20 minutes later, my family got home, and all of sudden, police cars showed up and Gary was standing there thinking it was funny and blamed all on me for making a prank call to 911. That was when I was 15. Gary was good at that. He was eight or nine years older than me. That was first red flag. Yes, exactly what my father said, “He’s a puke bag!”
The worst thing was that when I was 17 years old, staying at my mother’s house for the weekend and Gary drove all the way—it was an hour drive and broke into my mother’s house by entering into the back door while holding a mace where my mother’s dog, Snapper was barking and protecting us while we were sleeping, then my mother woke up right away and saw what Gary did with a mace that could have killed Snapper—my mother became very upset and scared. I remember seeing her visually shaken. I really remember that day. How did he find me? Old fashioned phone books with all the names and address. That’s how he found my mother’s house.
Gary became defensive and said that “I have every right to break into your house and protect myself from the dog” and I was really surprised. Then that was where my mother got orders against Gary in 1997 not to visit my mother ever again. That was the second red flag. Gary had been following me where I work, reside, or whatever. He thinks he “cannot” be touched because of police privileges in his family. His stepfather, mother, brother, sister is police officers with Vancouver Police Department and few family members who are in Fire Department. So, whatever happens to Gary, he would get away with it.
For example, when I got out of jail in 1996, three years later, I was living in downtown Vancouver on West Evergreen Blvd at a crappy apartment complex, the worst of all in Vancouver, one evening I was about to take trash out in the back, and all of sudden, I was very shocked to see Gary was standing there talking to my apartment manager and told her how dangerous I am and all that with spinning lies. He did not even know where I was living. Then I realized how he found me. Gary will tell you that he deny this in a heartbeat.
Then I confronted him and he became nervous and left. As soon as he left, I called my father right away on TTY, of course, and told him what happened. Boy, my father was not very happy and I made a police report against Gary for harassment and stalking. He was never reported. You know why. That was third red flag.
One year later, when I was sitting in my living room reading a book and spending time with my flurry children, Lenny and Penny. That night, the windows were broken into pieces with two rocks on the floor and I quickly went to see another window in kitchen to see who did this and it was Gary. Of course, I made another police report, but the problem is that Gary cannot be touched because of his family privileges. That’s the problem. That is fourth red flag.
Few years later, I was interviewing for a job at Target, and was surprised that Gary showed up at Target and told the managers about me. That is fifth red flag. How did he know that I was having a job interview? Because, I told my old friend about it and that’s how Gary got it from that friend. Gary would do everything to destroy my life and wants to see me die as much as it would please him every minute.
Then in 2009, I was employed for a big company and a full time student, and found my time to attend Deaf Expo with friends in Portland, Gary was there and begun to follow me everywhere. It’s really sickening. I did not let him bother me or come near me at all—as soon as I was bout to leave Expo to go to work, he actually threatened me with mace with “evil face”—for what? Oh yes, sixth red flag! I wasn’t even scared of him!
A year later after Deaf Expo, I was invited to a Super Bowl party with Deaf friends and I have not seen that person since 1987. She was telling me that she heard awful rumors about me from Gary and believed him for a while until she invited him to come at a local high school to attend ASL classes as a guest then she saw something that really made her uncomfortable where Gary was flirting and getting phone numbers from underage students. He even kept all the numbers in his notebook. Then the ASL teacher asked him to leave and do not come back again ever. She said that she made a mistake by not calling police in the first place.
Wait, there are more. Last spring 2017; I learned that he was attempting to fly all the way to DC from Las Vegas where he was living that time to show up at my house through someone else. If he shows up at my house, I will have him arrested for harassing. Gary has been terrorizing, stalking, and harassing me for years and years. What is the worst part? He is into Jesus, and a Trump supporter. That tells you a lot. Sigh, seventh red flag.
Most recently, he wrote several Facebook posts few days ago, telling lies about my family and myself, which is easy to call him out for slander and defamation. I will write few posts what he wrote. My family and I are going to do something about this. Yes, eighth red flag. Remember, I saved all the snapshots what Gary said. Cannot wait to show it to the police and court. The term of harassment—–“cyberstalking” which has not been criminalized until 1999 and then I realized about that now.
“Hey please don’t listen to Jason Tozier at all because everything Jason says on his blogs is 100% lie. He is a liar. He lies to people all the time.”
“He did this when he was 21 years old. Jason turned himself in and told the detective what he did to avoid paying the crime fines.”
“No Jason will NEVER change his behavior. He will never stop lying to people.”
“Shawn [Shawn M. Owens] please take a look at his face. He looks like an evil guy.”
“Now Jason and I are enemies. I don’t care. He is a bad news”
Shawn M. Owens writes to him: “So sad to hear about that. Sounds like you endured through tons of crap, especially with Jason.”
“He was ok when he was a young kid. He is a nasty and creepy guy.”
“He always lies to people since his childhood. He thinks about himself and he is self centered. He treats his family badly since he was a teenager. His family is very good and stable. He has the mental issues”
“Everything Jason said on his link is a 100% lie. Only 5% of his stories are the truth.”
“Jason is a liar and a troublemaker. He is not honest guy. He always deceives people. I saw his blogs. Everything he says is a 100% lie.”
“I know his entire family. His family is very good and stable.
“Jason treated his family badly. I was there when it happened.”
“Hey I know Jason very well. I’ve known him since 1983.”
No, I did not do this when I was 21 years old. I was 12 years old that time. No, I never told the detective just because I wanted to avoid the crime fines. Where did he get that idea? By the way, the detective and I were in the room alone along with an interpreter and Gary did not have access to detective’s files. That’s a big fat lie. Prove me that I told the detective just because I wanted to avoid the crime fines. Show me the proof please.
Funny when he said, “No Jason will NEVER change his behavior. He will never stop lying to people.”—Well, Gary will NEVER change his behavior where he is STILL STALKING me and he HATES the fact that I am telling the truth and I’ve been super honest for long time. So, it was Gary who will never stop lying to people in the first place. Tsk Tsk. That is an evil act. Gary is really jealous of me because I had accomplished many things that he cannot do.
I do not care if we are enemies. He made himself an enemy anyway. I had endured a lot of shit from him. So, please do not feel sorry for Gary. Since Gary said that I treated my family badly since I was a teenager and I have the mental issues—that’s funny because I just talked with my mother and father yesterday and we all are on good terms. Who has the mental issues first place? Oh yes, Gary!
No, he does not know my entire family. My now deceased grandparents hated every minute of him stalking my family’s property and one day, my father and grandfather told him not to come back ever again after what he did to my family. They had enough of him. HE WAS NEVER THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED. Gary said that he knows me very well since 1983. No, it is not true! He does not know my family well either! Since 1983?
By the way, if it was 1983, I was nine years old that time and he would hang out with a young boy that makes him a pervert. Think about that, huh? I would have remembered him. It was 1990 when I met him. Also, Gary is so bad at math when he said, ““Everything Jason said on his link is a 100% lie. Only 5% of his stories are the truth.”—Hmmm…how did it work in math? My blogs are honest—and what Gary told people about me are 100% lie. That’s a big difference.
That means we are still in touch—no, we are not. He’s so bad at lying and twisting stories around. Enough. Please leave my fucking family and myself ALONE. We are going to do everything possible to get Gary in hot water. Of course, he will not leave my family and my life alone—nonetheless, Gary frequently harassed the Toziers, taunting them with obscene phone calls and openly threatening me whenever I was in public.
I saved all the snapshots where people informed me about Gary what he had telling them and my friends cared enough about me (Thanks friends–you know who you are!) and let me know what he did was very sickening and obsessive. I know that Gary got my Facebook account disabled and got his wish. It has been going like this for 21 years. 1996…2017. There are not many things that would make me feel less helpless than being stalked and harassed by a mentally unbalanced individual like Gary. His plan was to destroy me and send me to hell. He could have easily stabbed me.
His stalking obsession with me makes him so angry that any rejection or truth of my unwanted advances could have lead to violence and often Gary wouldn’t care—even if it were for legal consequences. Believe it or not, stalking survivors had very little protection, as anti-stalking laws have been on the books not for long time, unfortunately, a case like Gary will always demonstrate who a true stalker—getting away with it. He will do it again. He will do anything to twist lies to attack my life when I am trying to change my life around even for 21 years and counting.
I had became the survivor of a non-stop ordeal of stalking and harassment by Gary McNicholas. That means I would be openly targeted to be murdered anytime. The worst part of all is that he is attempting to be “inspiring” fireman or EMT—well, he has been saying that for 25 years. Nothing changed. He makes it look like one, but the reality that he is still obsessed. Sad.
Copyright © 2017 Jason Tozier
This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.