Behind Ted Baran’s Skull

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When your life disappears before the eyes of truth, would you able to define truth?

John Keats: “Beauty is truth, truth beauty but what is beauty, and what is truth?”

Theodore “Ted” Lonzo Baran, Chief for Department of Public Safety (DPS) at Gallaudet University.

Three years ago today on November 8th, death came before my life and floated dead for ten minutes, it might be the longest ten minutes even if life was motionless. Death by default seemed to me, as I experienced, brutally unfair. Death is fail-safe predictor; Truth is a fail-safe predictor;

The central idea was simple: Truth would reveal itself, as Ted would sink to the bottom of the toilet, and only the guilt would drown truth.

The oppression, hatred, and norms, have been floating around Baran’s wings, while values, higher learning, and motivated hate-solving bullying have taken center stage on the Gallaudet University campus. The corrupt abuse of power. Gallaudet University as a safe place? Baran would make lives harder.

For the last 25 years, I had been working hard to change my life around. I took a lot of detours, struggles, death threats, going through the toughest road ahead, proving myself to the highest standards, and yet, when I moved to Washington, D.C. to begin my graduate school on a full scholarship possibly best moment and Gallaudet University was supposed to heal;

As I remember that day when I came into DPS headquarters, I informed Ted Baran of my responsibility, the first words Ted said: “That’s you. I can kick you out of Gallaudet University if I want to.” abusing his power and that begun the hatred right there. I never see something like this.

Ted “forced” me to stand upfront of graduate classrooms, presentations, workshops, anywhere on the campus to explain why I was jailed every day or I face extreme punishment like expelled from Gallaudet University.

The corrupt abuse of power. I was shocked by his threats. I refused to be profiled. That would lead to death threats, bullying, suicide and it is not healthy at all. Gallaudet University was supposed to be a place of healing. No one wanted to hear my stories. Baran got away. Is there a legal step for abusing power? Who would be the criminal in this picture?

Envision the scene: Baran has been strolling around the campus with abuse of power.

When I woke up from death, I had been targeted off the charges, hoping I’d taste my own execution by toxic culture. Facing the legal punishment of death is the most invisible reason, to inquire about the abuse of power by Baran.

I remember when I was on the stretcher recovering from a massive heart attack on the world’s most sacred ground of the Deaf, Several of Deaf people were cheering along with hands waving, while I put my thumbs up signaling that I’m all right and strong. Ted Baran was walking by and gave me a nasty look. I really remember that face that day. Whisking by. Like he was chuckling in his own head. Oh yeah, the weakness of a CODA who has a hatred for Deaf life. Not true CODA.

I wish I’d do something quickly to react by giving Ted my middle finger. I’d do it in a heartbeat. Everything went fast. Again, I’d give Ted Baran, “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!” and I never have gotten the chance to do that, I blew that. Why didn’t I do that?

After I got out of the hospital, two days later, decide to visit Gallaudet University and showed up at DPS office to thank someone else there for dedication with open-minded, bumped into Ted with close-minded, being the better person, and I see that the hatred still floating in his body, mind, and soul. I was glad it was not Ted who attempting to save my life because he would not do his job and let my breath run out on his own watch. Like getting away with murder.

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Last March 2019, there was a play about Deaf people in Hitler’s Europe held at George Washington University (GWU), where the story was about targeting Deaf Jewish people, shaming them in the name of hate, scarlet letter on their foreheads, and living with the labels. Lifetime scars. Emotional well-being. Mental. Psychical. Just like “JEWISH” on their passports, dealing with the hate spectrum.

Ted Baran and I bumped into each other there, before the play begins, it is clear that play story had been inspiring Ted’s egoism, his abuse of power, and hatred. He loved the story idea about the abuse of power, killing their souls; He supported the hate machine. He was a perfect example.

Convo event: He showed up in DPS white uniform on Saturday evening;

Convo attire: Look good and be YOU.

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I was there wearing an enamel pin: REJECT HATE. That was the symbol of truth. Coming back from death that day, it makes me stronger than ever and will continue to show the truth. It was to break the evil spell. At that moment, I felt free but also exhausted and completely alive all at the same time.

Unknown-2.jpegThat day, November 8, 2016: I asked an important question in front of the audience in SAC 1011 before my last breath, after I woke up from death, I realized that Gallaudet University was aiding and abetting Baran’s hatred. Same cloth. Same oath.

Remember Convo dress attire? BE YOU.

Baran wearing white uniform making a statement that he is above the abuse of power, white privileges, hearing privileges, and commander-in-hater, he does not need to dress up like this. Be YOU. Be casual.

Behind the badge, and that was what makes Ted’s skull are met with.

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-JT

Copyright © 2019 Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.

 

 

About to Get Killed

Sharing my near death experience where I was about to get killed in year 2000.

Fear-Rejection Thoughts Is Not Love

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We do not need fear-rejecting thoughts in Deaf community. If bystanders cannot find anything to recognize bullying, then they have committed a crime. Suicide is a tragic response to bullying. The problem is that it is very rarely discussed in Deaf community.

I am writing about Deaf returning citizens. They could easily take their lives away. Would it be a criminal act if Deaf returning citizens take their own lives if they are severely bullied daily in same Deaf community they live and breathe in? Deaf community loves to bully and would make up rumors that make it look true. Can Deaf community accept the fact that the suicides are the evidence of BIGGER problems than being bullied?

The fear-rejecting about Deaf returning citizens is a huge problem. The bullies would cruelly exploit that social prejudice, and got away with it. There are three important factors that we all need to know and be aware about it.

Number One: Oppression

Number Two: Dehumanization

Number Three: Exploitation

Remember the book, Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire? He once wrote about dehumanization in 1981:

Dehumanization, which marks not only those whose humanity has been stolen, but also (though in a different way) those who have stolen it, is a distortion of the vocation of becoming more fully human….Th[e] struggle [for humanization] is possible only because dehumanization, although a concrete historical fact, is not a given destiny but the result of an unjust order that engenders violence in the oppressors, which in turn dehumanizes the oppressed.”

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Deaf returning citizens have been subject of the oppressed. When bullies are not punished, did they also harm themselves that they intend to do? If a bully crosses the line between hate speech, invasion of privacy, or harassment, is it OK for the bully to harass Deaf returning citizens daily? There are many ways to address bullying, harassment, hate speech, death threats, and stalking.

In Deaf community, it is an international problem. Can we have conversation about the importance of educating love instead of hate? The importance of civility and respect would be more effective tool for Deaf community to heal.

-JT

Copyright © 2018 Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.

 

 

The Stigma of a Deaf Returned Citizen

 

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12 years old kid. I do not even know what happiness meant after that.

I was just a stupid 12 years old kid. I made very poor choices. I came from a broken home. I did not have many friends. Yes, I am a returned citizen for 21 years and counting. When I was 28 years old, I decided to make major changes by enrolling at a local community college. So, I would change my life around and refused to be a career criminal.

I asked myself one night, if I did not change my life around, I would be a loser. My life is not over; Yet, I survived on $20-$40 a month for years and years. The stigma branded on my forehead where I had to walk through hatred and bullying in Deaf community. I wanted to prove myself and found higher learning/education that had saved me and gave me self-worth that makes me feel like a valuable person at least. I graduated with three university degrees with honors at the same time.

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I was 21 years old. That was when I began my Deaf returned citizen journey through painful times. 

I try to keep my life fiercely private, decides to break my silence and tell the bizarre background to the case. Fighting back tears, I write to give my statement over rumormongers of my life—and I am not doing this just because I wanted to be superhero. I want to stop the pain cycle repeated—in this society, it is senseless “destroying” of my soul for 30+ years.

I lock with my thoughts at this moment, should I say—the pathetic excuse for somebody to send me death threats and harassing who had been attempting to destroy my life from everything. I refuse to let someone limit my life struggles. I have been forced to live in their shadows, radicalizing in my own thinking is a lifetime struggle. The picture below was when I finally graduated from community college.

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I spent years and years pained in cave, if I say anything to friends I thought to be trusted, I assume would make its way concerning among them would only fault was not to resist truth, submitting to the sufferance of the cyber-bullying from Deaf people. I, Jason “JT” Tozier, with the power of truth conferred in me that I shall command my freedom to be seen.

My faults will be always judged by the failure of people with higher authority I was chosen by choice to trust with my life, I wish to present to you my defense in writing. The number of defamation has been recorded which has been made against me in the past and present, there shall be a cave of light that I choose to say that I refute the accusations through the words that reflect my conscience, in front of rightful justice. In the end, I had been left seriously wounded to prevent me from flung open the doors of truth.

From that day on, I have lived solely to exalt my mistakes and deserve a better life. We are all guilty, no matter what. Hiding the facts is often nothing more than the other face of madness. There is no justice without facts and with a role that has played without forgiveness in the criminal justice system.

Yet, today I still get stigmatized, no matter what how much hatred I get today and tomorrow. I am a returned citizen, so I do not need somebody to tell me to live by the labels. Please do not judge me on my past. Do not judge me on what you think I am. Please judge me on my achievements. I believe in second chances by rebuilding my life around and overcoming major stereotypes.

I am blessed to be an advocate, lecturer, and liaison that I will be always grateful for.

-JT

Copyright @ 2017 Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.

 

 

Whispers of Hatred: Death Threats

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Death threats do not mean anything for me. The vicious insults name-calling and attacks directly at me was not only immature, but also totally ineffective. Whoever you are and whatever brought out that hatred, you accomplished nothing whatsoever by that behavior but to portray yourself in an extremely ugly light.

Those who want my life ended are selfish and mean-spirited. Or Bizarro world, you know, in the Bizarro world in “Htrae” (“Earth” spelled backwards), do you not agree that the society is ruled by the Bizarro Code which states “Us do opposite of all Earthly things! Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness! Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!”

It is all about applying the pressure on Deaf community should be willing to pool some cash for the bragging rights and the bully gets the space ready to rent out. On a side note: Don’t we believe in rehabilitation? Why are Deaf people being plagued with lifelong damnation? In some instances, I am sure that that is a valid, but the hardest part is if there is no process in place to clear up hatred after people are reformed and some time has passed.

It would be much if the society would be more at ease if they studied the issues they are so frightened of and realize that the Deaf community are absolutely harmless. It made me think that the Deaf community is wounded enough and should been organized by human rights that has been trying to get bills that should be more stronger passed in America.

The hearing community who degrades Deaf children should be tested on what they were voting to prior to their vote and then the outcome of the vote like these ill formed laws. Those Deaf children whom you once were survivors and you know when you feel when you were pushed into feeling survivorship by this kind of uniformed chatter.

Panning out death threats is common in my life. I already cheated death five times by four heart attacks, and a gun pointing at my face. Keep going.

-JT

Copyright © 2015 Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only including this copyright message.

Slip of the Sign: Mental Health Stigma Free “Pledges”

mental-illness-sketch-2After watching sort of public service announcement [PSA] coordinated by Deaf Women United about Mental Health Stigma Free Pledge, one of the biggest struggles coming out of the Deaf community is one that received only modest notice: Not enough awareness in understanding mental health stigma and that is something we need to start over and be more responsible about it.

Mental health stigma is one of those needs that can absorb awareness like a sponge without showing any sign of saturation, but the commitment is a significant infusion of education that addresses one of the critical missing links identified by many health advocates: Awareness equals stability—and that is the key ingredient for Deaf people who suffer from mental health stigma to be able to control their illnesses and lead productive lives.

I did not learn the term of “stigma” when I was in college, and learned that it is a disease that is extremely contagious. I had been exposed to it so often that I have become infected with stigma. Since I have depression, it carries to many, a double stain that is the stigma of mental illness—falls under mental health stigma free pledge is a long way to go—especially in Deaf community. Many people in Deaf community need to be aware that the earliest traumas can occur during childhood and that is often the hardest to recognize stigma there. For the last 30 years, as a returned citizen, I had been tormented, discriminated, bullied, and getting death threat, enough failure trying to make me feel worthless.

The most difficult thing is that when I saw the video, I immediately saw someone in there who I am very familiar with; we were in the same circle of Deafhood Monologues. The person was one of two people who voted against the idea that I stay in the cast because of my status as a returned citizen. It is very difficult to deal with stigma when you are “labeled” as a Deaf returned citizen where the stigma have been drinking into my character a dark, jagged emptiness that took my soul away for the last 30 years; Depression in the great stage of stigma is a toxic legacy and I am trying very hard to overcome—again, a friend told me that writing blogs like that does not make me a better person and I immediately realized that. That was a big bang on my head.

I think Deafhood Dialogue is a great way to understand what the mental health stigma free pledges really should be. Deaf citizens are full of ideas that communicate with each other. Deaf returned citizens are full of struggle who are so diversely stigmatized they are not welcome back in the Deaf community. Deaf citizens stop in a regular drop-off spot at places. Deaf returned citizens stop in a stigmatized drop-off spot in the dark corner. Deaf citizens represent diversity. Deaf returned citizens represents segregation. Deaf citizens are where awareness is examined. Deaf returned citizens are where stigma—a diagnostic sign of oppression—is realized. Will an apology fix the solution?

Video link: Mental Health Stigma Free Pledge

#deaf #mentalhealth #depression #stigma #DeafandStigmaFree

-JT

Copyright © Jason Tozier

This text may be freely copied in its entirely only, including this copyright message.