So, I went beyond the imagination: Star Trek. Live, long, and prosper! When I died for ten minutes on November 8th, 2016 at Gallaudet University—no, I am not kidding! I ACTUALLY DIED FOR TEN MINUTES because of massive heart attack and cardiac arrest. It was one of the worst experience I ever faced with. While being in hospital, I saw the true colors of Deaf people I know—one person who sent me wishing that I should die that day. That was cheap shot because, for one, I am way smarter and stronger than that person. Before I begin writing the whole blog, this has been my fifth heart attack. Try to be in my SHOES.

One Deaf person who left a comment saying that I did not share enough about death experience—well, that person has no idea that it really hit me hard that day. I was going through series of emotions—it was something that you have to guard your strength at times. Actually, it made me stronger and realized that I have nothing to lose or even nothing to hide either.

Who and what decides if I experience death—is it part of society or a social outliner? Normalcy here seems is defined as the use of all of the physical and basic mental facilities common to human beings in order for a person to be considered a contributing member of their environment. Death—is something that it is not funny at all—especially wishing that I should be died that day. At the same time, death is part of human make up and should be the focus of personal inventories.

Experiencing death was hard to explain, really—if only such a concise way of summing up what ties people together underneath it all. Seeking out various uses of our bodies solely for face value normalcy leaves no room for depth in any arena.

The first question, “Did you see anything when you died, like did you see the light of tunnel or something?” Well, let me say, whether the neurons and synapses that fire with each thought are capable of rerouting to avoid negative thinking and connotation or if some brain function is innate and unavoidable. The ability to change ones thought process and reaction to information instead of just the reaction is difficult because time allows the processes time to build foundations strong enough for skyscrapers.

Where happiness and peace can reside, a myriad of negative emotions take root like redwoods and darken mental space with their dense foliage. Wishing my death make up only a few of the many branches. It is human to want more than what is provided. The 1992 novel, Smilia’s Sense of Snow paints a good picture of this desire:

First, you have the natural numbers. The ones that are whole and positive. The numbers of a small child. But human consciousness expands. The child discovers a sense of longing, and do you know what the mathematical expression is for longing…the negative numbers. The formalization of the feeling that you are missing something. And human consciousness expands and grows even more, and the child discovers the in between spaces. Between stones, pieces of moss on the stones, people and numbers. And do you know what that leads to?

It leads to frictions. Whole numbers plus fractions produce rational numbers. And human consciousness doesn’t stop there. It wants to go beyond reason. It adds an operation as absurd as the extraction of roots. And produces irrational numbers…It’s a form of madness. Because the irrational numbers are infinite. They can’t be written down. They force human consciousness our beyond the limits. And by adding irrational numbers to rational numbers, you get real numbers.. It doesn’t help. It never stops. Because now, on the spot, we expand the real numbers with the imaginary square roots of negative numbers. These are numbers we can’t picture, numbers that normal human consciousness cannot comprehend. 

And when we add the imaginary numbers to the real numbers, we have the complex number system. The first number system in which it’s possible to explain satisfactorily the crystal formation of ice. It’s like a vast, open landscape. The horizons. You head toward them and they keep receding ——written by Peter Hoeg, a Danish writer.

That’s the best I can explain about my ten minutes of death. Before I wrap up, that person said that I do not speak enough about my experience—well, let me know when you experience death then come back to life. It’s completely different.

-JT

Copyright © 2016 Jason Tozier

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